Mala had set up a temporary fortification within the mansion of the Vampire Queen. Specifically, she had destroyed everything that moved within the dungeon, barricaded the only door to the mansion proper and hung so much garlic and so many holy symbols along the cracks that not even an ancient vampire like the queen could force their way through. She had also consecrated the area using loads and loads of sacred incense and holy water, making this the smelliest, soggiest, most thoroughly sanctified camp ever created, just in case the Vampire Queen somehow managed to push past the forty-seven anvils she had piled in front of the door. Of course, this was only possible due to her Magic Bag. It was a wondrous item. An indestructible bag capable of holding seemingly limitless weight and bulk within the strange magical void hiding beneath its unassuming exterior. The weight of the bag itself never changed, and all she had to do to retrieve an item from within it was to put her hand inside and think of the item she wished to retrieve. Nobody now knew the secrets of creating Magic Bags. Less than two dozen were believed to exist in the entire world, indestructible relics of a bygone era. When Mala had first discovered this bag lying next to the mouldering corpse of a long dead adventurer, she had barely been able to believe her luck. To an adventurer, being prepared was everything, and being able to carry any amount of useful tools and equipment without worrying about weight was an incredible advantage. The bag even kept the items held within it in some sort of stasis, so she didn’t have to worry about food spoiling or potions losing their potency. After Mala massaged the feeling back into her arms after piling up the enormous stack of anvils, she started setting up a proper campsite in the dark, damp dungeon. A dozen ever-burning torches to serve as an improvised campfire. A steel-frame folding bed, complete with a spring mattress. A three course meal, just as fresh as the moment she stashed it in the bag. And of course two dozen different charms and totems of warding, alarm and restoration. Once she’d had a hearty meal and a good night’s sleep, she’d be ready to face the Vampire Queen. Thus restored and reinvigorated, and armed with all the vampire slaying equipment money could buy, Mala should be able to defeat the Vampire Queen without too much trouble. Mala was in deep trouble. Her brilliant plan to defeat the queen had failed to take into account the fact that she was giving her opponent just as much time to prepare for her assault as Mala herself had. More, really, since a well-fed vampire doesn’t require sleep. The queen had smashed every strategy, defeated every scheme and blocked every attack that Mala had prepared. As the vicious beauty stalked towards her, fangs gleaming in the torchlight, Mala desperately tried to think of any tool or item she’d stuffed into the bag that could possibly help her… “I don’t care what it is…” She growled to herself as she stuck her hand into the bag. “I just need something that can save my sorry ass. Anything!” Suddenly, her hands closed around a smooth, wooden shaft. Not sure what she’d managed to find, Mala pulled the item out of the bag with a desperate flourish. What came out was a staff of polished ebony, topped with the skull of an arch-devil. The pale, malevolent glow of hellfire burned in the skull’s eye sockets, and the jaw rattled and shook and gnashed its teeth. The noise was horrendous. “Wha… What the hell is… Gods above, what a racket! Stop!” The skull kept rattling and gnashing despite her command, and Mala was about to fly into an absolute panic when she noticed the Vampire Queen was standing stock still. Mala kind deflated at that point, feeling utterly lost and confused. “What’s going on?” She almost wailed. “You commanded me to stop, mistress.” The queen replied. “…Mistress? Why would you do what I tell you to?” “Because you are wielding a Staff of Dominate Undead, mistress.” The vampire queen replied, and now Mala noticed the hollow emptiness in the queen’s normally sultry yet menacing voice. “What even is that?” She asked. “I’ve never even heard of a Staff of Dominate Undead.” “It is a staff that allows the holder complete dominion over all undead, mistress.” “That’s… That’s so useful! Why have I never heard of these before?” “Because I sought them all out centuries ago and destroyed them all, mistress. But I seem to have missed one.” “But why is it in my Magic Bag?” “Presumably someone put it there, mistress.” Mala stared at the bag and tried to think. But the constant racket the staff was making made it hard to focus. With a sigh, she turned to the vampire queen. “What would happen if I told you to just kill yourself?” “I would tear out my own heart, mistress. At which point I would turn to ash and would not reform for several centuries.” “Great, do that. I need to think.” Without hesitation, the Vampire Queen smashed open her own ribcage and tore out her heart. But as she started turning to ash, Mala finally spotted the absolute fury and hate shining in the undead monster’s eyes. She couldn’t help but shiver. “Man, I hope I’m long dead by the time she reforms. Because she’s gonna be so pissed…” She glanced over at the supremely noisy staff in her hands. “Guess I don’t need this right now, huh?” With a shrug, she shoved the staff back inside the bag, taking a brief moment to just enjoy the sudden silence that filled the room. But then she pulled her focus back to the bag. Ever since she got it, she’d only ever tried to pull out specific items that she knew she’d put there. But if she could think of something so non-specific, then… With an air experimentation, she stuck her hand into the bag. “Let’s try pulling out something I’ve forgotten about putting in here…” A moment later, she pulled out a poorly written love letter. A look of slightly embarrassed recognition blossomed on her face. This was from that one half-ogre pit fighter who’d fallen for her. She didn’t have the heart to throw away his letter, so she just shoved it in the bag and tried to forget about it. Having now been reminded of the whole awkward affair, she decided not to mess with a proven strategy and quickly shoved it back in the bag. “So that works. But if I can pull out things other people put in here before I got the thing, how about, I don’t know… Something valuable but useless?” She felt a strange metal object settling into her hand. Pulling it out curiously, she found herself looking at a golden idol that she vaguely recognized as depicting Okutesh Akahn, the long-dead God of Caves. But Okutesh Akahn died in the God War, tens of thousands of years ago. He was barely more than a footnote in history at this point. And yet, the idol in her hands was in perfect condition. Mala just stood there staring at the bag for a long, long time. “This thing… This thing might just be far more useful than I realized…”